I get it. I finally fucking get it. When I was 17 (circa summer 2003),I had a job as a counselor at a day camp. One day after getting home from working in the blistering hot Florida sun, I asked my dad if I could borrow his car to get to and home from work the next day. He said, “Sure, I’ll wake you up before I have to leave, we can go to my office together, and you can take the car from there. I’ll call you when I am ready to leave for the day.” That sounded great to me. What 17 year old kid would not want to drive around in his dad’s Lexus blasting music as high as the sound system could go? I said, “OK”, and went off to watch some TV and fall asleep. After all, I was drained from being outside and running around all day. It was exhausting.
I’m not quite sure what time I fell asleep that night, but I remember being woken up to the sound of him knocking on my bedroom door and opening it. “Hey, brush your teeth and get your contacts in. We are leaving in about ten minutes”, he said. I looked at him with my eyes barely open, and slid my ass out of my warm comfy bed. Afterwards, I put in my contacts, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and was ready to go. When I approached the front door, he said, “Ready?”, and I nodded my head yes. We walked out of the house, locking the front door behind us, and got into his car. He was in the driver’s seat, and I was in the passenger seat. His office was 15 to 20 minutes away from the house. My dad turned on the car, put it into reverse, pulled out of the driveway, and off we went.
The car ride was silent. One thing I always noticed when driving with my dad in his car was that he hardly ever had the radio on. About halfway through the car ride, I was staring out the window and began noticing all of the people heading to work. There were people in uniforms waiting for buses, people getting out of their cars and heading into offices, women in the cars next to putting on their makeup, men in their cars shaving, and so on. I broke the silence with a single comment. “It is hard to believe there is life outside this early in the morning.” My dad scoffed and replied “Yeah, if you call this life!”. I glanced over at him, his eyes still fixated on the road ahead, and then looked back the other way to continue looking out of the car window until we got to his office. I do not remember anything else was said during that car ride, but I think about that exchange often.
When I was in my early twenties, and I thought back on that exchange, I assumed that he said it because he was a dentist. It doesn’t take a genius to know that most people do not like going to the dentist. In eighth grade, there was a kid in my class that kept telling me that dentists have a high suicide rate because he knew it would bother me. The bully was right in the fact that it did bother me. He would come running up to me daily just before school started and say, “Hey Scott, dentists have a high rate of suicide, do you know why?”. I had no idea why, but none-the-less, it was a question that I wanted answered. When my dad got home from work one night, I told him what had been going on at school, and he told me what to tell the kid. The answer made sense. Shortly after arriving to school the next day, the kid approached me and said, “Hey Scott, dentists have a high rate of suicide, do you know why?” I turned to him and gave him the answer that my dad had given me. I looked him square in the eye, smiled, and said, “It is because they have to deal with people like you all day!” Needless to say, he didn’t like the answer. That one statement shut him right up and he never brought up the subject again.
Now anyone, as long as they are still breathing, must deal with people who are idiots, morons, nitwits, twits, boneheads, careless, neglectful, dumb, lazy, and have shit-for-brains the second they wake up in the morning. From the very second, they turn on the TV to watch the news, go to the supermarket, or go out for a jog. People are somehow, in some way shape or form, interacting with whom they would choose not to if they had the option. This can be very annoying but it wasn’t what my dad meant. These types of people can be hard to deal with at times, but it is what it is. No matter where you go, what you do, or who you are, you will have to deal with this.
Looking back on that short exchange now in my late thirties, I am 37 as I write this, I think I finally understand his comment. I don’t know why it took me so long, but most people my age experience the same thing. You go to school, graduate, and are excited to finally live the life you’ve always wanted. That is until you realize that the time you have in a day is very limited. You must maintain your home, maintain your car, go food shopping, (insert all the other bullshit we have to do as functioning members of society), and so on.
The issue I have, that we all have, is the time in the day just isn’t there to do the things we want to do outside of what needs to be done. To do the things I really want to do. Like everyone else, once my shift is over for the day, I get home and I just want to rest. After getting home, I usually change into something more comfortable, eat dinner, plop down on the couch, and watch a few hours of TV until I fall asleep. Rinse lather and repeat.
On the weekends, I would like to spend the time working on my goals but I don’t. The second I get up on Saturday morning, I eat breakfast, head out to do all my errands, pay the bills, and you know the rest by now. Usually after all this is done by the evening time, I’m exhausted and I plop down on the couch, watch a few hours of TV until I fall asleep. When Sunday rolls around, I am just too tired to do anything so I play video games, go for a walk, and make sure all my shit is together for the upcoming week.
So what did my dad mean? What is this life that is outside so early in the morning? Why did he scoff? It is the rat race. A quick google search defines the rat race as “a way of life in which people are caught up in a fiercely competitive struggle for wealth and power” or “an exhausting, usually competitive routine”. What I was really seeing when I looked outside the car window on that hot summer day was a glimpse into my future. Into all of our futures. A future which only a lucky percentage of us can escape.
Once I started my first job in high school, before the summer job, I got sucked into it without even knowing. No heads-up, no warning, no audio bells, alerts, absolutely nothing. The problem is money is something everyone needs, and because everyone needs it, they think once they get it, they will be happy. However, for some reason the temporary high of their happiness wears off eventually. Then it turns into a drug that you chase. One thinks, if I just get that then I will be happy. The process then repeats itself indefinitely.
Do I want to be a multimillionaire so I can buy all the useless shit that I want and do all of the stupid shit I want to do? Of course! Who doesn’t? I would love to be swimming in cash but sadly I am not even 1/1000th the way there. If the rat race is something that cannot be avoided, then I need to find and do what will truly make me happy. The answer to what will truly make me happy is a simple yet complex one and unfortunately it may not work for others as well as it works for me. I am going to give myself something that I fear most people do not have and will never know. That something is PURPOSE. My purpose is to be the best version of myself that I can be. After all, men aren’t born, they are created.
Looking out the window on the daily commute to and from work, I just see people moving about because their only purpose, as mine was, is to just get to wherever you need to be and do whatever task you need to do just so it can be done and out of the way. So, wait for a moment. Let me get this straight, I went to school for a long time, just to wander around with no purpose outside of work for 40 years until I retire? Once I hit that point, I can begin to fulfill my dreams and desires when I’m 65+? Nope. Fuck that. What’s that you say? If I bust my ass all week outside of work I can go out and party from Friday night to Sunday? I’m not looking to escape reality. I’m looking to be really and truly fulfilled. I’m looking to live my best life which is my purpose.
How will I do this? Simple. I will set (hopefully realistic) goals and work to achieve them. That’s what this blog is about. It is about me choosing what particular goal I want to accomplish and then documenting what I am doing to achieve that goal. I will document everything I am doing, within reason, in a hope to show others not only is the road to success “messy” but that you really can achieve what you set your mind to.